Weekends
have been a little weird for me since I arrived, because I agreed early on to
tutor in the mornings on both Saturday and Sunday. You’ve already met my
student and we’ve already spoken of him, little more needs to be said of him
for today save that his animated Vesuvius is off-the-charts cool and rather
blows my experiments with baking soda and vinegar out of the water.
But
aside from that journey – and I have to say, for all the protests of my body
and despite the local gravitational field that exists over my bed and is four
times stronger than gravity has any right to be, it is a fantastic stroll – I
have been preoccupied with very little of anything at the moment. I’m sinking
money into Amazon’s coffers at a quite incredible rate, and seem to be on a bit
of a reluctant hero/magic theme, so well done to Amazon for spotting that and
offering me more of my drug of choice. Honestly, if Amazon ever get into drugs,
we’re all doomed.
“We saw you liked coffee, and
thought you might like to try cocaine.”
“Why thank you Amazon. Say, this
cocaine is brilligjsdkjhghhghhhhhh”
Today’s lesson dealt with
prepositions and conjunctions, singularly unexciting particles of English but
necessary. His teacher – or rather, whoever is setting his course as it is an
online school – is an unbearable idiot, as evidenced by glaring errors of
typography which I feel an English teacher ought to be able to spot. I’m
terribly negative about it, but since it’s an online school it’s not as though
the mistake has only been spotted once the textbook has been printed. It’s a
webpage. Thirty seconds to fix. Surely.
Regardless. The boring work
having been completed, we started in on the rather more exciting topic he has
chosen for his descriptive essay. We talked about feelings and descriptions,
how to communicate them, the difference between choppy sentences:
I raised my head. Something
zipped past my left ear. I screamed. Dropped. My ear was on fire. Someone was
shouting something. A face, close to mine.
And long sentences
I woke suddenly, the noonday sun
slipping through the curtains and warming my face. The bed seemed unfamiliar
but comfortable, and I lie back, idly wondering what the sound of running water
meant for my immediate future. As though its occupant had heard my thought, the
water stopped, and a door ahead of me opened wide, billowing with steam, the
mouth to a fragrant and very pleasantly occupied Hell…
And so on. We practised them,
and then I let him loose on his writing while I filled in an evaluation form.
It bears striking resemblance to mine at his age, and although I know I keep
saying it, it is mildly unsettling.
A genteel stroll back – though I
almost lost my balance coming down a hill I’d negotiated with ease two hours
earlier – meant a total of 6 miles strolled in a day. I could get used to
having that sort of time to meander and amble, and listen to music. I should
love to have The Lord of the Rings extended soundtrack, but it is unfortunately
around £40 a go and unavailable on MP3 download, which to my mind is a
frustratingly obvious way of extorting money from poor suckers like me. It’ll
probably work, too; I’ve had Lord of the Rings on at work purely for the
soundtrack because it’s fantastic. The extended issue DVDs might also go down a
treat, just as soon as I get a huge television and some dolby surround sound. Because I'm kind of geeky like that.
This is next year, when I move back of course. I may also get a cat. A lot of my students have cats, and I find I rather like them. They affect disdain and yet are always there when one looks round. I still think their bottoms look like tea-towel holders, but such is life. One cannot have everything. I shall simply have to resist the desire to fill my cat with tea-towel.
Thus if you happen to be in Aberdeen and reading this, do let me know if you know of any nice little one-bed flats going in the area. I know I'm thinking about 9 months in advance, but I'd rather have it done. Let me know.
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